Its been a whole week but I'm back and taking on one of the biggest baddest movies of all time here. Star Wars has been one of my favorites since I was just a little kid. Its epic storyline, always cutting edge special effects, and wonderful characters are what really make a good movie. What makes them bad though?
1. Jar Jar Binks
No comment.
2. Star what?
To the masses who don't particularly watch a lot of movies and then don't watch Sci-Fi movies Star Wars and Star Trek seem to be the same thing. A lot of them have caught an episode of Star Trek on the television and didn't understand it. They automatically assume that all Sci-Fi is like dropping into the middle of a years old series and catching one episode. Then they assume that Star Wars is Star Trek and also Battlestar Galactica and Stargate. See how they all have 'star' in the name. I really just wish these Sci-Fi creators could have been a little more y'know...Creative. That way we wouldn't have so much confusion.
3. They have schools for that?
I'm not sure what acting schools these folk in Star Wars graduated from but frankly I'm not impressed. Star Wars had some actually just plain terrible acting. I'll give you that Harrison Ford go much better later on in his life but wow was he awful. When I saw Star Wars original trilogy as a child I never noticed how bad the acting was. When I rewatched them after seeing the prequel trilogy I thought "Wow...The acting was just as bad in the originals." Hayden Christiansen, I got some news for you. Delivering all of your lines like you concentrating intensely on remembering them makes you look like a fool. Natalie Portman, please just shut up and look cute. You know what...Obi Wan (Both Sir Alec Guiness and Ewan McGregor) you are pretty much the only decent acting in this story. WHAT THE HELL? You have one helluva huge budget and you can't hire decent actors? Or at least pay for them to take some lessons from Obi Wan.
4. Original vs. Prequel
The orignal trilogy had such a great story. There was one of the biggest and most awesome reveals in moviedom when Vader was all "Whos your daddy?" There was romance, action, suspense, comedy, even great little cute things to market. Then you have the prequel trilogy. We have romance shoved down out throats, we have action every two seconds cause special effects are cheap enough to whip out a lightsaber in every scene, there were some pretty funny parts but I don't think a lot of those were intended, No suspense at all. There was no big reveal. There was hardly anything to want to see in there. We knew everything that was going to happen well before it happened. Okay some people were dumb enough to not realize Palpatine was a bad guy but thats really their own fault. The story wasn't as good and especially when compared to its other half.
5. George Lucas is all about fanservice.
George likes to give his fans what he thinks they want. Though he didn't kill Jar Jar so my point is slightly ruined but we'll proceed anyhow. Boba Fett, bad ass mandalorian battle armor wearing assassin. In the movies all of like 15 minutes. He does play a pretty pivitol role but he wasn't actually even a major character. Fans LOVE him for his badassitude. George makes a whole damn movie revolving around his father just so he can use Slave I and Mandalorian battle armor so the nerds can fansturbate. Really unneccessary to go all out like that to put him in the prequels. Gotta keep those fans chomping at the bit for more though. Also did you notice R2-D2 and C-3PO in the prequels too? The story he made up to explain that shit doesn't even make sense chronologically with their orignal appearances. I'm also pretty sure there were more lightsaber battles in any one of the prequels than in the entire original series. Also they were 8 times as fast cause it looks cooler. And I forgot to mention that whole "Lets throw a bundle of wookies" into the movie thing he did there. That was slick.
6. Han Shot First.
He did bitches. Deal with it.
7. Jedi are apparently pussies.
How does one angry emo kid and a bunch of storm troopers kill the entirety of the Jedi in the universe aside from Obi Wan, and Yoda? I am pretty sure these guys could have put up a better fight. Shit Yoda could have probably taken out half that army by himself before the even realized what was going on. The whole "There is always a Sith master and a apprentice" thing annoys me. Its 2 dudes! Are you telling me all those hundreds of Jedi got their asses whipped by two guys one of which cries about girls all the time? Seriously Jedi, you are a bunch of pussies.
8. Did you even watch your own movies George?
When I think about all the cotinuity errors in this series it kinda gives me a headache. Many I have mentioned before where characters were places they just didn't have any right to be. Lots of things just don't add up. Especially when you include the Star Wars: Clone Wars into the whole mess. There are people that should know each other that do not. It seems like these stories are far too coincidental. There are far too many to list but it almost seems (like with bad acting) that it was tradition to include tons of continuity errors in the movies.
Well thats about all I can think of for Star Wars. Maybe its just tooo hot right now. I might have to come back to these some time and give it a closer look. The prequels are terrible and I really don't think I got that point across.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Transformers
Everyone is sooooooo excited for the sequel and it is making me sick. Cool special effects and lots of transforming robots. Sounds like a great movie. But not when the movie is actually about Shia LeJacktard and his crush on Megan Fox.
1. This movie is supposed to be about Transformers.
For most of this movie there is 1 Transformer and he can't even talk. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? I remember Transformers were these cool robots who had great personalities and epic ongoing battles with each other over who was getting the All Spark. Optimus Prime was a real leader who actually did something other than say "I'm the leader do what I say." Does anybody even remember the names of the people that were in Transformers the cartoon? Probably not unless you were just on Wikipedia you lying bastard. They weren't important. The bad ass transforming robots were the main focus of the show. Now they are background characters to Mr. Angsty Teen and that really hot chick who we all pretend can't talk. The Transformers have less personality than a Twilight character. You get all of like 2 seconds to kinda get a feel for their personality than its just one huge battle scene for the rest of the movie and they even kill Jazz but you really don't care because you didn't even know who he was. I don't even remember any of the other transformers names because they weren't Hot Rod.
2. WHERE THE HELL WAS HOT ROD?
REALLY? WHERE WAS HE?
3. An Open Letter to General Motors.
You know that time the economy took a dump and you were closing down plants and had to file for bankruptcy? Why the hell were you giving cars to a movie company to destroy on camera? Advertising my ass. People aren't going to buy your shitty car because its a Transformer...Okay okay...some people won't. Not that I'm saying all your cars are crappy. Just the ones that are driven. Here is something to try instead of throwing money away. You can go ahead and make a better car. Something that might stand up to the Foreign cars. Than maybe people will buy them. Just a thought. P.S. Don't just extend your warranty again. Seriously thats just admitting that your shit is gonna break down.
4. Hello? You still haven't answered my quesion.
HOT ROD IS A FAN FAVORITE YOU PRICKS! ARE YOU RETARDED?
5. Please stop giving pretending these people can act.
We have seen Shia LeEmokid play a moody teen before. Its old. I really think you should stop giving him money to play the same roles again and again. Megan Fox is hot, lets stop giving her money to act when she isn't naked. She would make a great porn star except many of them are better actresses than her too. Well maybe she could just be naked. That'll work.
6. Is it cause he was too red?
Michael Bay is racist against Red Transformers.
7. This movie is a metaphor for Megan Fox.
Visually stunning and beautifully crafted to have a great appeal but in the end it was really very shallow. The story was rather weak leaning too much on human for everything. It was a good concept but nowhere near what it should have been. Autobots are Good and Decepticons are Bad. Okay...Now give it some depth. I want epic battle over good and evil not "We want it so you can't have it." Like giant robots on the playground.
8. Did I mention there was no Hot Rod?
Yeah...Not in the sequel either.
1. This movie is supposed to be about Transformers.
For most of this movie there is 1 Transformer and he can't even talk. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? I remember Transformers were these cool robots who had great personalities and epic ongoing battles with each other over who was getting the All Spark. Optimus Prime was a real leader who actually did something other than say "I'm the leader do what I say." Does anybody even remember the names of the people that were in Transformers the cartoon? Probably not unless you were just on Wikipedia you lying bastard. They weren't important. The bad ass transforming robots were the main focus of the show. Now they are background characters to Mr. Angsty Teen and that really hot chick who we all pretend can't talk. The Transformers have less personality than a Twilight character. You get all of like 2 seconds to kinda get a feel for their personality than its just one huge battle scene for the rest of the movie and they even kill Jazz but you really don't care because you didn't even know who he was. I don't even remember any of the other transformers names because they weren't Hot Rod.
2. WHERE THE HELL WAS HOT ROD?
REALLY? WHERE WAS HE?
3. An Open Letter to General Motors.
You know that time the economy took a dump and you were closing down plants and had to file for bankruptcy? Why the hell were you giving cars to a movie company to destroy on camera? Advertising my ass. People aren't going to buy your shitty car because its a Transformer...Okay okay...some people won't. Not that I'm saying all your cars are crappy. Just the ones that are driven. Here is something to try instead of throwing money away. You can go ahead and make a better car. Something that might stand up to the Foreign cars. Than maybe people will buy them. Just a thought. P.S. Don't just extend your warranty again. Seriously thats just admitting that your shit is gonna break down.
4. Hello? You still haven't answered my quesion.
HOT ROD IS A FAN FAVORITE YOU PRICKS! ARE YOU RETARDED?
5. Please stop giving pretending these people can act.
We have seen Shia LeEmokid play a moody teen before. Its old. I really think you should stop giving him money to play the same roles again and again. Megan Fox is hot, lets stop giving her money to act when she isn't naked. She would make a great porn star except many of them are better actresses than her too. Well maybe she could just be naked. That'll work.
6. Is it cause he was too red?
Michael Bay is racist against Red Transformers.
7. This movie is a metaphor for Megan Fox.
Visually stunning and beautifully crafted to have a great appeal but in the end it was really very shallow. The story was rather weak leaning too much on human for everything. It was a good concept but nowhere near what it should have been. Autobots are Good and Decepticons are Bad. Okay...Now give it some depth. I want epic battle over good and evil not "We want it so you can't have it." Like giant robots on the playground.
8. Did I mention there was no Hot Rod?
Yeah...Not in the sequel either.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Collected Works of Wes Anderson.
By request. Because this one I've seen recently enough to discuss without re-watching.
1. Subtle.
Subtle humor is great. It makes you think and makes you really look at what you are seeing. Not everything in the world is subtle though Wes. You can actually just say something outright. Using imagery to bring across any point you make is not necessary. It just makes it seem like you are trying way to hard to be artsy. And please stop thinking of the most colluded insane imagery you can just so that you can look really smart later by telling people what it means.
2. You know that one guy in your movie...
I understand you like working with certain actors Wes. Thats awesome to show loyalty to those who have helped make you a success. They don't have to star in every one of your movies though. Don't get me wrong you could have cast worse people for the parts but you could have also cast better. Give them cameos, or small parts. Watching Owen Wilson have so many different interactions with Bill Murray, or Jason Schwartman mock Luke Wilson, gets repetitive. And confusing considering people that like your movies like certain characters and they see these actors as those characters and then they aren't actually those characters but a completely different character who looks like the other character. Or is this all leading up to some Subtle revelation that will be in your final movie which you will then point out to make yourself look smarter than everyone else again?
3. You are so hilarious I forgot to laugh.
If your humor were any more dry it would resemble a saltine in the Sahara. I get it. Thats your Shtick. You do dry humor that really stoned people think they get. You need to loosen up a bit with that though. Sometimes the humor was so dry that I didn't realize it was even humor till I watched it again. Than only because someone (Who probably heard from you while professing how smart you are) told me what to look for.
4. Wes Anderson is full of lies.
I don't know if people caught this while watching 'Life Aquatic' but secretly I don't think Wes Anderson does any kind of research to make sure the things in his movies are real or not. I can't say for sure but I don't think he has ever been to India either. What I surmise is that he and fellow writers Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman, (and probably Roman Coppola and Noah Baumbach too) get REALLY high before starting to write. These guys have to be out of their minds to think of some of this shit. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
5. Wes Anderson's Ego.
Okay...I'll admit I actually made up all that stuff about Wes Anderson thinking he is smarter than everyone and liking to point it out. But seriously every time I watch one of his movies it makes me feel dumb. Like I have to watch it several times just to understand what was going on in his head. Or at least discuss the movie with a dozen or so people so I can get some perspective on it. Wes, I love you man but stop making me look like a fool in front of my blog readers.
News: I'm not sure how long between posts its going to be due yo my hectic life. I'll try to keep putting new stuff at the least weekly. If you like the blog go ahead and Digg it or Stumble it help get the word out. And thank you for reading.
Coming Eventually: Great suggestions from some friends. Transformers, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Back to the Future, Goonies, Labyrinth, (Pretty much every movie you loved as a kid), Some classics such as Breakfast Club, American Grafitti, Grease, Top Gun, and the list goes on.
1. Subtle.
Subtle humor is great. It makes you think and makes you really look at what you are seeing. Not everything in the world is subtle though Wes. You can actually just say something outright. Using imagery to bring across any point you make is not necessary. It just makes it seem like you are trying way to hard to be artsy. And please stop thinking of the most colluded insane imagery you can just so that you can look really smart later by telling people what it means.
2. You know that one guy in your movie...
I understand you like working with certain actors Wes. Thats awesome to show loyalty to those who have helped make you a success. They don't have to star in every one of your movies though. Don't get me wrong you could have cast worse people for the parts but you could have also cast better. Give them cameos, or small parts. Watching Owen Wilson have so many different interactions with Bill Murray, or Jason Schwartman mock Luke Wilson, gets repetitive. And confusing considering people that like your movies like certain characters and they see these actors as those characters and then they aren't actually those characters but a completely different character who looks like the other character. Or is this all leading up to some Subtle revelation that will be in your final movie which you will then point out to make yourself look smarter than everyone else again?
3. You are so hilarious I forgot to laugh.
If your humor were any more dry it would resemble a saltine in the Sahara. I get it. Thats your Shtick. You do dry humor that really stoned people think they get. You need to loosen up a bit with that though. Sometimes the humor was so dry that I didn't realize it was even humor till I watched it again. Than only because someone (Who probably heard from you while professing how smart you are) told me what to look for.
4. Wes Anderson is full of lies.
I don't know if people caught this while watching 'Life Aquatic' but secretly I don't think Wes Anderson does any kind of research to make sure the things in his movies are real or not. I can't say for sure but I don't think he has ever been to India either. What I surmise is that he and fellow writers Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman, (and probably Roman Coppola and Noah Baumbach too) get REALLY high before starting to write. These guys have to be out of their minds to think of some of this shit. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
5. Wes Anderson's Ego.
Okay...I'll admit I actually made up all that stuff about Wes Anderson thinking he is smarter than everyone and liking to point it out. But seriously every time I watch one of his movies it makes me feel dumb. Like I have to watch it several times just to understand what was going on in his head. Or at least discuss the movie with a dozen or so people so I can get some perspective on it. Wes, I love you man but stop making me look like a fool in front of my blog readers.
News: I'm not sure how long between posts its going to be due yo my hectic life. I'll try to keep putting new stuff at the least weekly. If you like the blog go ahead and Digg it or Stumble it help get the word out. And thank you for reading.
Coming Eventually: Great suggestions from some friends. Transformers, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Back to the Future, Goonies, Labyrinth, (Pretty much every movie you loved as a kid), Some classics such as Breakfast Club, American Grafitti, Grease, Top Gun, and the list goes on.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Slumdog Millionaire
Just a quick one today. I got work to get to.
1. Its too good.
This movie sucks because it is sooooo good that it makes everything else look like garbage in comparison. Its smart, funny, topical, beautifully shot, wonderful score, Danny Boyle's directing was top notch, it was unique, different, and just amazing.
2. Okay I'll admit it's not for everyone...
There are a few people who don't like this movie and I can understand why. Illiterate people who can't read 15 minutes worth of subtitles (Which by the way these are some of the easiest to follow subtitles I've ever had to read due to the changes in color and location to represent changes in the speaker). Ignorant racist people who don't like the people of India or their culture. People who don't understand that Love can be portrayed as something other than people humping each other like animals. People who think movies without explosions aren't worth watching. People who watch Nascar. Obviously nobody in their right mind.
3. Its a little gloomy at times.
It is just morbidly depressing to think of all the things these kids went through during this movie. From rags to riches they had to lie, cheat, steal, murder, almost be murdered, blinded, tortured, thrown in jail, treated like dogs. All that and this prick on TV makes fun of him for having a job.
4. Okay...I really have nothing. This movie was too damn good.
This movie is ruining my blog here. I'd like to say that there were some glaring faults that everyone, critics and masses together, just ignored like in many of the films I have looked at so far but really I am failing.
Alright, I need you to chime in. What didn't you like about Slumdog Millionaire? I need help on this one. Maybe even I have been blinded this time. If you know anyone that didn't like the movie ask them. Unless of course they fit into one of the categories I described earlier than you are just wasting your time.
1. Its too good.
This movie sucks because it is sooooo good that it makes everything else look like garbage in comparison. Its smart, funny, topical, beautifully shot, wonderful score, Danny Boyle's directing was top notch, it was unique, different, and just amazing.
2. Okay I'll admit it's not for everyone...
There are a few people who don't like this movie and I can understand why. Illiterate people who can't read 15 minutes worth of subtitles (Which by the way these are some of the easiest to follow subtitles I've ever had to read due to the changes in color and location to represent changes in the speaker). Ignorant racist people who don't like the people of India or their culture. People who don't understand that Love can be portrayed as something other than people humping each other like animals. People who think movies without explosions aren't worth watching. People who watch Nascar. Obviously nobody in their right mind.
3. Its a little gloomy at times.
It is just morbidly depressing to think of all the things these kids went through during this movie. From rags to riches they had to lie, cheat, steal, murder, almost be murdered, blinded, tortured, thrown in jail, treated like dogs. All that and this prick on TV makes fun of him for having a job.
4. Okay...I really have nothing. This movie was too damn good.
This movie is ruining my blog here. I'd like to say that there were some glaring faults that everyone, critics and masses together, just ignored like in many of the films I have looked at so far but really I am failing.
Alright, I need you to chime in. What didn't you like about Slumdog Millionaire? I need help on this one. Maybe even I have been blinded this time. If you know anyone that didn't like the movie ask them. Unless of course they fit into one of the categories I described earlier than you are just wasting your time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Collected Works of M. Night Shyamalan.
WHY?
1. Psych!
M. Night Shyamalan: "I made a decent movie with an interesting twist ending so now I'm going to make EVERY one of my following movies follow the same formula."
Fans: "OMG I was tricked again!"
People who are not retarded: "WTF? Again you damn tool!?!?! I hate you!"
People who are retarded: "Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
2. Once is enough.
If you've seen one of his movies you'll never want to see it again because without the twist ending they are awful!
3. People keep giving him money
STOP GIVING THIS GUY MONEY! Nickelodeon I'm talking to you. He lost Warner Bros. over $100 million on Lady in the Water. Do you really want this guy directing your Avatar: The Last Airbender movies? Twist ending: Psych! The Avatar is actually Jesus and that is why I white washed the cast!
4. Nice name douchebag.
My name is so cool and trendy cause like a 14 year old Goth kid I put Night in it.
In all M. Night Shyamalan is a douchebag who gets too much credit for having a fluke of a movie put him in the spotlight for a minute and he has way too much ego and needs to be kicked down a notch or twenty.
Coming Soon: IDK yet but something soon.
1. Psych!
M. Night Shyamalan: "I made a decent movie with an interesting twist ending so now I'm going to make EVERY one of my following movies follow the same formula."
Fans: "OMG I was tricked again!"
People who are not retarded: "WTF? Again you damn tool!?!?! I hate you!"
People who are retarded: "Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
2. Once is enough.
If you've seen one of his movies you'll never want to see it again because without the twist ending they are awful!
3. People keep giving him money
STOP GIVING THIS GUY MONEY! Nickelodeon I'm talking to you. He lost Warner Bros. over $100 million on Lady in the Water. Do you really want this guy directing your Avatar: The Last Airbender movies? Twist ending: Psych! The Avatar is actually Jesus and that is why I white washed the cast!
4. Nice name douchebag.
My name is so cool and trendy cause like a 14 year old Goth kid I put Night in it.
In all M. Night Shyamalan is a douchebag who gets too much credit for having a fluke of a movie put him in the spotlight for a minute and he has way too much ego and needs to be kicked down a notch or twenty.
Coming Soon: IDK yet but something soon.
Lord of the Rings
One of the big fan favorites of the last decade. Classic literature turned cinematic garbage. Somebody please stop giving movie producers literary licenses.
1. No really, it was long enough the first time.
Peter Jackson directed this epic trio. At a little over 9 hours the original theatrical cut was about the size of any 4 normal movies. So then he releases his directors cut which is another 2 hours or so longer. You took 9 hours to tell a story badly than had the nerve to add 2 more hours of telling the story badly. Yes there are those people that were foolish enough to want this. These are also the same people who dress up in the woods and hit each other with duct tape covered sticks.
2. Creative liberties can only go so far.
Okay so you paid a bunch of money to get Liv Tyler to play in your movie. Oh, so now you realized her character is only in the books for 2 minutes and then isn't seen again until the very end. Lets just put her in EVERY OTHER GOD DAMNED SCENE! Frankly I'd rather them have left her out of the movies altogether. Instead we are bombarded by ridiculous flashbacks to things that WE DON'T CARE ABOUT! Nobody cared about this minor love story. People wanted to see Legolas kick some ass and take some names. Also, where the hell is Tom Bombadil?
3. Lets play the stereotype game!
So Tolkein was this amazing author, creator of one of the most intricate and unique fantasy worlds ever. He created a history of its peoples, deep cultures, and even distinct languages which are taught in Ivy League schools. These movies reduced every character/race/creature to basic stereotypes. Hobbits are nothing but tiny furry imbeciles. Elves are haughty feminine showboats. Dwarves are short jokes and comedy relief. Humans are pretty much all selfish bastards prone to evil with a few exceptions. Wizards are assholes.
4. We don't need no culture.
As I said before there was a great deal of culture in the books that this series of movies was based on. These are very deep characters who were made very shallow by this travesty. Of the dozens of folk songs written by Tolkein each with its history and place in the culture of one of the races of men, elves, hobbits, dwarves, etc. None managed to make it into these movies. Disney cartoons have more respect for the culture of their source material than these movies.
5. Battles in these movies are retarded.
The things these people do while fighting are insane. As the Great Luke Ski says "Legolas is like Tony Hawk meets the Legend of Zelda." At one point he stabs an Uruk-Hai with an arrow than pulls the arrow out and fires it into another one killing both. How the hell is that even remotely possible? Sure it looks flashy but these movies are supposed to be about an epic story not a series of flashy fight scenes...Oh wait...No it was just a series of flashy fights scenes.
6. These movies are just a series of flashy fights scenes!
Just kidding. These movies are just a series of unmemorable scenes watching people walking and talking punctuated by flashy fight scenes. I don't even remember half of the scenes between the fights because I kept falling asleep during them. Wasn't there something about an epic battle between good and evil? Who cares lets watch the elf surf down stairs on a shield while shooting arrows like hes got a machine gun again!
Overall these movies are okay. They are a shallow action movie made from an epic drama. I guess it could have been worse. M. Night Shyamalan could have directed it.
Coming Soon: The Collected works of M. Night Shyamalan.
1. No really, it was long enough the first time.
Peter Jackson directed this epic trio. At a little over 9 hours the original theatrical cut was about the size of any 4 normal movies. So then he releases his directors cut which is another 2 hours or so longer. You took 9 hours to tell a story badly than had the nerve to add 2 more hours of telling the story badly. Yes there are those people that were foolish enough to want this. These are also the same people who dress up in the woods and hit each other with duct tape covered sticks.
2. Creative liberties can only go so far.
Okay so you paid a bunch of money to get Liv Tyler to play in your movie. Oh, so now you realized her character is only in the books for 2 minutes and then isn't seen again until the very end. Lets just put her in EVERY OTHER GOD DAMNED SCENE! Frankly I'd rather them have left her out of the movies altogether. Instead we are bombarded by ridiculous flashbacks to things that WE DON'T CARE ABOUT! Nobody cared about this minor love story. People wanted to see Legolas kick some ass and take some names. Also, where the hell is Tom Bombadil?
3. Lets play the stereotype game!
So Tolkein was this amazing author, creator of one of the most intricate and unique fantasy worlds ever. He created a history of its peoples, deep cultures, and even distinct languages which are taught in Ivy League schools. These movies reduced every character/race/creature to basic stereotypes. Hobbits are nothing but tiny furry imbeciles. Elves are haughty feminine showboats. Dwarves are short jokes and comedy relief. Humans are pretty much all selfish bastards prone to evil with a few exceptions. Wizards are assholes.
4. We don't need no culture.
As I said before there was a great deal of culture in the books that this series of movies was based on. These are very deep characters who were made very shallow by this travesty. Of the dozens of folk songs written by Tolkein each with its history and place in the culture of one of the races of men, elves, hobbits, dwarves, etc. None managed to make it into these movies. Disney cartoons have more respect for the culture of their source material than these movies.
5. Battles in these movies are retarded.
The things these people do while fighting are insane. As the Great Luke Ski says "Legolas is like Tony Hawk meets the Legend of Zelda." At one point he stabs an Uruk-Hai with an arrow than pulls the arrow out and fires it into another one killing both. How the hell is that even remotely possible? Sure it looks flashy but these movies are supposed to be about an epic story not a series of flashy fight scenes...Oh wait...No it was just a series of flashy fights scenes.
6. These movies are just a series of flashy fights scenes!
Just kidding. These movies are just a series of unmemorable scenes watching people walking and talking punctuated by flashy fight scenes. I don't even remember half of the scenes between the fights because I kept falling asleep during them. Wasn't there something about an epic battle between good and evil? Who cares lets watch the elf surf down stairs on a shield while shooting arrows like hes got a machine gun again!
Overall these movies are okay. They are a shallow action movie made from an epic drama. I guess it could have been worse. M. Night Shyamalan could have directed it.
Coming Soon: The Collected works of M. Night Shyamalan.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Twilight
This is tooooooooo easy. We'll start out with the simple stuff that people ignore the most.
1. Horrible music selection.
The music selection was horrendous. It was chosen not because it fit the movie/mood/anything at all, but because it is popular amongst people with no taste. I suppose since they are the ones who also like this movie that it is rather fitting. Its mostly unmemorable and drastically wrong for most of the moods in the movie.
2. Horrible Special Effects.
They stole the special effects straight from the "60 Million Dollar Man". Speeding up video playback and adding blur lines does not look good. Why would you even think it did? And when he is climbing those trees WTF was that? I've seen kung fu movies with people flying that looked more realistic. And glittery vampires is probably the stupidest thing yet to have found its way into literature.
3. Horrible, Horrible, Horrible Dialog.
Ladies, if a guy ever calls you 'spider monkey' as a pet name please shoot him in the head until he stops moving. Also, if any highschool kid holds a stick up and giggling maniacally squeals "I got a worm!" you need to change schools or you got on the short bus by accident that morning. The book had passable dialogue in it though still really whiny and pathetic. They changed so many of the lines from the book to the movie because Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are both such bad actors they couldn't deliver the lines and not sound completely retarded. Then again neither of them can do much of anything without looking/sounding retarded. (Which brings us to the next...)
4. Horrible acting.
If Catherine Hardwicke had said "You girl, act like you are reading lines. You Date Rape Face (Thats Pattz) pretend you are constipated." then she would have gotten exactly what she asked for. She didn't though. She wanted a boypire and a girl who were in love, and in danger, and in...teresting. They failed and so she failed as a director. I'm really glad they are replacing Catherine for the second movie because I already feel bad for her name being on one of these horrible travesties of cinema.
5. Horrible story.
This isn't a love story. I shall reference my previous writings on this subject here.
Why Edward doesn't actually love Bella.
Edward Cullen, dream boy and wetter of more panties than Brad Pitt and George Clooney combined. But given the chance would he even care to notice any of the girls that have fallen for him? I doubt it. Edward doesn't understand desire, doesn't understand love, nor does he understand physical attraction.
Edward is a virgin though he supposedly is the sexiest man in the world. Why is this? Not because his old-timey charm which so many girls seem to fawn over (Which he also has NONE of). It is because he has never been physically attracted to anyone. His dick has always been limp. (And always should be because Vampires do not have blood flow but we won't even get into Stephanie Meyer's complete lack of knowledge about human anatomy) Edward has never desired to have sex with anyone so he hasn't. (Thats so romantic blah blah blah, Bella is the only one for him.) Not true. He never desires Bella in a physical way either. Even when they kiss and he says he cannot stop himself its not because he would rape/sex her it is because he is afraid he will EAT her (And not even in the fun way.)
Edward's first experience with desire, really wanting something that he cannot have, is when he smells Bella. This is explained as occasionally some vampires will find a human that smells extremely tasty only to them. (In the movie they forget this part and make it seem like she smells overtly tasty to all vampires rather than just Edward). It causes very powerful hunger which in turn causes a intense desire. This is what Edward feels for her. Not love, not sexual attraction, he wants to eat her until she is dead. I understand that love comes from wanting to make someone happy (And them in turn wanting to make you happy) and desire to be in that state of happiness together forever. I didn't know it also came from wanting to eat someone to death. Edward more closely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer than Romeo. Imagine that?
At this point Edward really just wants to get the hell away from Bella before he eats her to death. Why doesn't he though? Is it because he loves her? Because he wants to be with her forever? Nope. Its because she is the first person who's mind he can't read. The first person who has ever seemed mysterious to him. He is fascinated by the fact that he doesn't know what she is thinking. You know that giddy feeling you get when someone you are attracted to looks at you? How you wonder what they are thinking about you, whether they like you or not, or if they think you are attractive? He feels that curiosity for the first time and (Like you did when you were in elementary or middle school) he gets confused and he wants to find out more. He desires to know what she thinks. Instead of passing her notes though he calls her spider monkey and jumps out a window in a very childish hissy fit (At least in the movie which was far worse than the books). So instead he stalks her in a very creepy manner, watches her sleep at night for months on end, and just basically makes himself look like a total creep. But I guess girls find creeps sexy these days.
Now here is where this all comes together. What if Bella wasn't Bella? What if Bella was lets say Bill? Bill has the same smell and same ability to shield her mind from Edward. Bill is also pretty much the perfect person except for he is clumsy. (Way to make the one fault your Mary Sue character has be clumsiness Stephanie). Bill also suffers from crippling co-dependency and is attracted to Edward. (I guess crippling co-dependency is a fault too, I apologize Steph). I believe that Edward would have fallen in love with (Or whatever he feels for Bella which is certainly not love) Bill also. Not because he is gay, but because he is apparently too stupid to understand anything other than primal urges to eat. And that just in the first book.
6. Horrible Fans.
Harry Potter fans, Lord of the Rings Fans, Star Wars Fans, even Trekkers (Trekkies has a negative conotation now and they prefer Trekkers), all fight tooth and nail about how good the object of their fandom is. Many of these people will admit however that there are things that could have been better. Things they would have liked to see better. Twitards refuse to admit that this movie has such HUGE glaring faults as those previously presented. The others have their faults but they at least have good things about them that aren't made up in the minds of the fans. And I haven't even touched on the sociological ramifications of marketing crippling codependency to young impressionable girls who have grown up being told they aren't good enough every five seconds by television and magazines. These fans will grow up thinking they must have a boypire (or any kind of man) to make themselves complete. Thank you Stephanie Meyer and your Mormon views for setting women's rights back 30 years. But what do I care? I still get paid more than a woman for doing the same job.
Twilight is utter garbage and the sooner we as a people grow beyond this fad the better we will be. It is mediocre contribution to the literary world and an outright bad contribution to cinema.
1. Horrible music selection.
The music selection was horrendous. It was chosen not because it fit the movie/mood/anything at all, but because it is popular amongst people with no taste. I suppose since they are the ones who also like this movie that it is rather fitting. Its mostly unmemorable and drastically wrong for most of the moods in the movie.
2. Horrible Special Effects.
They stole the special effects straight from the "60 Million Dollar Man". Speeding up video playback and adding blur lines does not look good. Why would you even think it did? And when he is climbing those trees WTF was that? I've seen kung fu movies with people flying that looked more realistic. And glittery vampires is probably the stupidest thing yet to have found its way into literature.
3. Horrible, Horrible, Horrible Dialog.
Ladies, if a guy ever calls you 'spider monkey' as a pet name please shoot him in the head until he stops moving. Also, if any highschool kid holds a stick up and giggling maniacally squeals "I got a worm!" you need to change schools or you got on the short bus by accident that morning. The book had passable dialogue in it though still really whiny and pathetic. They changed so many of the lines from the book to the movie because Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are both such bad actors they couldn't deliver the lines and not sound completely retarded. Then again neither of them can do much of anything without looking/sounding retarded. (Which brings us to the next...)
4. Horrible acting.
If Catherine Hardwicke had said "You girl, act like you are reading lines. You Date Rape Face (Thats Pattz) pretend you are constipated." then she would have gotten exactly what she asked for. She didn't though. She wanted a boypire and a girl who were in love, and in danger, and in...teresting. They failed and so she failed as a director. I'm really glad they are replacing Catherine for the second movie because I already feel bad for her name being on one of these horrible travesties of cinema.
5. Horrible story.
This isn't a love story. I shall reference my previous writings on this subject here.
Why Edward doesn't actually love Bella.
Edward Cullen, dream boy and wetter of more panties than Brad Pitt and George Clooney combined. But given the chance would he even care to notice any of the girls that have fallen for him? I doubt it. Edward doesn't understand desire, doesn't understand love, nor does he understand physical attraction.
Edward is a virgin though he supposedly is the sexiest man in the world. Why is this? Not because his old-timey charm which so many girls seem to fawn over (Which he also has NONE of). It is because he has never been physically attracted to anyone. His dick has always been limp. (And always should be because Vampires do not have blood flow but we won't even get into Stephanie Meyer's complete lack of knowledge about human anatomy) Edward has never desired to have sex with anyone so he hasn't. (Thats so romantic blah blah blah, Bella is the only one for him.) Not true. He never desires Bella in a physical way either. Even when they kiss and he says he cannot stop himself its not because he would rape/sex her it is because he is afraid he will EAT her (And not even in the fun way.)
Edward's first experience with desire, really wanting something that he cannot have, is when he smells Bella. This is explained as occasionally some vampires will find a human that smells extremely tasty only to them. (In the movie they forget this part and make it seem like she smells overtly tasty to all vampires rather than just Edward). It causes very powerful hunger which in turn causes a intense desire. This is what Edward feels for her. Not love, not sexual attraction, he wants to eat her until she is dead. I understand that love comes from wanting to make someone happy (And them in turn wanting to make you happy) and desire to be in that state of happiness together forever. I didn't know it also came from wanting to eat someone to death. Edward more closely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer than Romeo. Imagine that?
At this point Edward really just wants to get the hell away from Bella before he eats her to death. Why doesn't he though? Is it because he loves her? Because he wants to be with her forever? Nope. Its because she is the first person who's mind he can't read. The first person who has ever seemed mysterious to him. He is fascinated by the fact that he doesn't know what she is thinking. You know that giddy feeling you get when someone you are attracted to looks at you? How you wonder what they are thinking about you, whether they like you or not, or if they think you are attractive? He feels that curiosity for the first time and (Like you did when you were in elementary or middle school) he gets confused and he wants to find out more. He desires to know what she thinks. Instead of passing her notes though he calls her spider monkey and jumps out a window in a very childish hissy fit (At least in the movie which was far worse than the books). So instead he stalks her in a very creepy manner, watches her sleep at night for months on end, and just basically makes himself look like a total creep. But I guess girls find creeps sexy these days.
Now here is where this all comes together. What if Bella wasn't Bella? What if Bella was lets say Bill? Bill has the same smell and same ability to shield her mind from Edward. Bill is also pretty much the perfect person except for he is clumsy. (Way to make the one fault your Mary Sue character has be clumsiness Stephanie). Bill also suffers from crippling co-dependency and is attracted to Edward. (I guess crippling co-dependency is a fault too, I apologize Steph). I believe that Edward would have fallen in love with (Or whatever he feels for Bella which is certainly not love) Bill also. Not because he is gay, but because he is apparently too stupid to understand anything other than primal urges to eat. And that just in the first book.
6. Horrible Fans.
Harry Potter fans, Lord of the Rings Fans, Star Wars Fans, even Trekkers (Trekkies has a negative conotation now and they prefer Trekkers), all fight tooth and nail about how good the object of their fandom is. Many of these people will admit however that there are things that could have been better. Things they would have liked to see better. Twitards refuse to admit that this movie has such HUGE glaring faults as those previously presented. The others have their faults but they at least have good things about them that aren't made up in the minds of the fans. And I haven't even touched on the sociological ramifications of marketing crippling codependency to young impressionable girls who have grown up being told they aren't good enough every five seconds by television and magazines. These fans will grow up thinking they must have a boypire (or any kind of man) to make themselves complete. Thank you Stephanie Meyer and your Mormon views for setting women's rights back 30 years. But what do I care? I still get paid more than a woman for doing the same job.
Twilight is utter garbage and the sooner we as a people grow beyond this fad the better we will be. It is mediocre contribution to the literary world and an outright bad contribution to cinema.
Harry Potter
I know everyone loves Harry Potter and his secret world of wizards. Whats not to love? Its escapism from our mundane and often cruel world. Great characters, stories, and magnificent wonders not of this world. But why does it suck?
1. Wizards are functionally retarded.
I know lots and lots of humans who are not wizards. They do all kinds of things like talk on the phone, drive their cars to work, play on their computers, draw in sketch books, and even send each other postcards. Why can't these powerful wizards figure this shit out? Even the dumbest people I know can dial a telephone and call their friends. But wizards can't. These people have one form of instantaneous communication over long distances and it requires sticking you head in a God damned fireplace. How convenient is that? Owls as a mail delivery system? Are you out of your damn minds? I don't care how smart your damn owl is if someone shoots it for flying to close to their chicken farm then where the hell are you? This isn't the middle ages we are talking about. Harry Potter books start in the year 1991. You are telling me these people are still using ink quills and scrolls when you can get a Comp book at Walmart for 99 cents? I don't care if it adds to the mystique of wizard folk it makes them look like a bunch of retards.
2. Harry Potter makes socially awkward Emo kids seem normal.
Harry and his wizard friends are the most awkward childish group of teenagers to be described in literature in half a century. The Little Rascals were more mature about friendship and relationships than these kids. Book after book they have the most ridiculous relationship issues because they act like they are in elementary school on the playground. Not to mention Harry has a complex about getting close to people because he keeps getting them killed. Its like the Brady Bunch with wands.
3. Oh woe is me I live such a tragic life.
Why is this entire series a huge pity party for the most whiny pathetic hero of our time? Yes death is hard. Yes you have a right to mourn. No you don't have a right to whine and cry and take out your frustrations on the people who are taking care of you. Instead of dwelling on the past lets go ahead and appreciate what we have while we ourselves are still alive. You are a freaking wizard with powers untold at your fingertips, you have a vault FULL of gold, you are famous, you are surrounded by people who love you and will, and do quite often because you are a stupid, give their lives for you. Way to be a complete selfish prick and whine like a little morbid gothy person. New book "Harry Potter and his Fishnets and Eyeliner."
4. I'm a children's series that teaches a twisted morality.
Racism is bad. Slavery is bad. Gay people are good. Murder is bad. Lying is bad except when its not. The whole underlying point of the story is that racism (Wizard vs. Muggle) is bad. At the same point the superior race (Wizards) is allowed to treat the inferior (Muggles) like animals. Wait a minute...So what she is secretly saying is racism is okay as long as you don't try to kill the race that you don't like. You can still treat them poorly. Slavery of creatures that don't want to be slaves is wrong. But if they volunteer its okay. Bringing Indentured servitude back, I like it. Dumbledore is gay! Wait...thats not in the books or movies. But he was and you loved him so that means you love gays! OH SNAP J.K. Rowling made you accept a gay person by secret. Now your KKK brothers won't let you back on the bowling team.
5. This magic makes no damn sense at all!
Every book/movie you learn a little more about how magic works in the world. Thats cool, I guess, except the more you learn the less damn sense it makes. It becomes so overly convoluted that it seems like some spells don't even do what you learned they were supposed to later and some do less than you thought. And why doesn't anyone else know a spell before Harry or one of his friends learns, or learns of, that spell? Why do powerful dark wizards, Voldemorts Death Eaters, require verbal components to cast simple jinxes when students are taught how to cast without verbal components in the 6th year? For that matter why the hell are the Death Eaters using simple jinxes? Battle at the Department of Mysteries should have lasted only long enough for them to cast a few death spells and pull the prophecy from the little kids cold dead hands.
6. You named your kids what now?
Albus Severus, James Sirius, and Lily Luna? You seriously couldn't give them one original name between the 3? And naming your son and daughter after your mom and dad is a little creepy. I understand wanting to pay homage to your parents but your parents James and Lily Potter had sex with each other! You want people confusing your kids James and Lily Potter for your parents? Thats just not right. At least Ron and Hermione were nice enough to give their unfortunate offspring real names. I suppose at least its not Renesme Carlie.
Coming Soon: Twilight (I can't wait to do this one.)
1. Wizards are functionally retarded.
I know lots and lots of humans who are not wizards. They do all kinds of things like talk on the phone, drive their cars to work, play on their computers, draw in sketch books, and even send each other postcards. Why can't these powerful wizards figure this shit out? Even the dumbest people I know can dial a telephone and call their friends. But wizards can't. These people have one form of instantaneous communication over long distances and it requires sticking you head in a God damned fireplace. How convenient is that? Owls as a mail delivery system? Are you out of your damn minds? I don't care how smart your damn owl is if someone shoots it for flying to close to their chicken farm then where the hell are you? This isn't the middle ages we are talking about. Harry Potter books start in the year 1991. You are telling me these people are still using ink quills and scrolls when you can get a Comp book at Walmart for 99 cents? I don't care if it adds to the mystique of wizard folk it makes them look like a bunch of retards.
2. Harry Potter makes socially awkward Emo kids seem normal.
Harry and his wizard friends are the most awkward childish group of teenagers to be described in literature in half a century. The Little Rascals were more mature about friendship and relationships than these kids. Book after book they have the most ridiculous relationship issues because they act like they are in elementary school on the playground. Not to mention Harry has a complex about getting close to people because he keeps getting them killed. Its like the Brady Bunch with wands.
3. Oh woe is me I live such a tragic life.
Why is this entire series a huge pity party for the most whiny pathetic hero of our time? Yes death is hard. Yes you have a right to mourn. No you don't have a right to whine and cry and take out your frustrations on the people who are taking care of you. Instead of dwelling on the past lets go ahead and appreciate what we have while we ourselves are still alive. You are a freaking wizard with powers untold at your fingertips, you have a vault FULL of gold, you are famous, you are surrounded by people who love you and will, and do quite often because you are a stupid, give their lives for you. Way to be a complete selfish prick and whine like a little morbid gothy person. New book "Harry Potter and his Fishnets and Eyeliner."
4. I'm a children's series that teaches a twisted morality.
Racism is bad. Slavery is bad. Gay people are good. Murder is bad. Lying is bad except when its not. The whole underlying point of the story is that racism (Wizard vs. Muggle) is bad. At the same point the superior race (Wizards) is allowed to treat the inferior (Muggles) like animals. Wait a minute...So what she is secretly saying is racism is okay as long as you don't try to kill the race that you don't like. You can still treat them poorly. Slavery of creatures that don't want to be slaves is wrong. But if they volunteer its okay. Bringing Indentured servitude back, I like it. Dumbledore is gay! Wait...thats not in the books or movies. But he was and you loved him so that means you love gays! OH SNAP J.K. Rowling made you accept a gay person by secret. Now your KKK brothers won't let you back on the bowling team.
5. This magic makes no damn sense at all!
Every book/movie you learn a little more about how magic works in the world. Thats cool, I guess, except the more you learn the less damn sense it makes. It becomes so overly convoluted that it seems like some spells don't even do what you learned they were supposed to later and some do less than you thought. And why doesn't anyone else know a spell before Harry or one of his friends learns, or learns of, that spell? Why do powerful dark wizards, Voldemorts Death Eaters, require verbal components to cast simple jinxes when students are taught how to cast without verbal components in the 6th year? For that matter why the hell are the Death Eaters using simple jinxes? Battle at the Department of Mysteries should have lasted only long enough for them to cast a few death spells and pull the prophecy from the little kids cold dead hands.
6. You named your kids what now?
Albus Severus, James Sirius, and Lily Luna? You seriously couldn't give them one original name between the 3? And naming your son and daughter after your mom and dad is a little creepy. I understand wanting to pay homage to your parents but your parents James and Lily Potter had sex with each other! You want people confusing your kids James and Lily Potter for your parents? Thats just not right. At least Ron and Hermione were nice enough to give their unfortunate offspring real names. I suppose at least its not Renesme Carlie.
Coming Soon: Twilight (I can't wait to do this one.)
Fight Club
We'll start this out with my favorite movie "Fight Club". I'll give you that it is an AWESOME movie and that it pretty much does not have any faults but I'm going to do this right anyhow.
1. This is one of the most cynical movies ever.
I am a very cynical and pessimistic person. I think people are all evil, stupid, and petty. Not that there is anything wrong with that it is just human nature. This movie makes my point of view on humanity seem pleasant. Chuck P. must be a very jaded person to think people are as twisted as he believes them to be. I'm sure there are some but is extreme in all cases. The reason the events of "Fight Club" have not come about is because he is so extreme and people just aren't that twisted yet.
2. How in the hell did this movie have a 'happy' ending?
After everything that happens through out the movie they somehow give us a happy ending. What the hell is that all about? I understand the American (And by this I mean United Statesian) desire for closure but this was really ridiculous. This movie should have kept the tragic ending from the book or even made a new tragic ending because really they just don't deserve happiness at the end. Buildings fall, everyone dies.
3. Some shit just doesn't make sense.
During one scene Jack (Edward Norton) goes to work and he is clearly awake and not sleeping at all. He returns home from work to find out that Tyler (Brad Pitt) went and rescued Marla from her attempted suicide and had an all night sexfest with her. Either one or the other could not have happened but their are other people involved in both situations who are not crazy and would not be imagining Jack/Tyler.
Nobody ever tells Jack that he is Tyler until the ending reveal. How the hell does he manage to go all through Fight Club without ever catching on? Didn't he notice when the guys were all "Hey Tyler you want another beer?" Why the hell would the people that found him fighting himself not call the police and find him help? I know if I went into NYC and started hitting myself in a dark parking lot I'd be arrested in minutes. Why do people let an obviously crazy person lead them in a crazy rebellion against the status quo? Yes he had his followers but at least one of them should have had the sense to say "This guy is a total whack job."
4. This movie was meant by its creators to be a dark comedy.
The drama and the suspense were just a side thing for them. This movie is meant to be funny and only really jaded people with very dark sense of humor find dying/struggling to live people in support groups very funny. Yes, I find the movie hilarious, no I don't think a normal well adjusted person should feel that way. If the average person wasn't unhappy with life than this movie would not be nearly as popular. It was made to appeal to unhappy people. What kind of people choose that as a target market? I guess smart people...
5. The movie preaches a philosophy that is actually illegal to live by.
Almost everything he does in this movie is a crime. There are actually people out there who are stupid enough to try and recreate the things in this movie. Knowing that your target audience is the people your story is about, disgruntled, jaded, and bored, why would you give them ideas of things to do that will get them thrown in jail or killed? Okay Robert Paulson's death scene is an attempt to say "Don't try this at home" but how many times has that warning worked on the people who are stupid enough to do this stuff anyway?
Want to know why your favorite movie sucks? Let me know what it is and I'll see if I can tell you.
Coming Soon: Twilight, Harry Potter, The Matrix, The Notebook, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, and any other suggestions I get to.
1. This is one of the most cynical movies ever.
I am a very cynical and pessimistic person. I think people are all evil, stupid, and petty. Not that there is anything wrong with that it is just human nature. This movie makes my point of view on humanity seem pleasant. Chuck P. must be a very jaded person to think people are as twisted as he believes them to be. I'm sure there are some but is extreme in all cases. The reason the events of "Fight Club" have not come about is because he is so extreme and people just aren't that twisted yet.
2. How in the hell did this movie have a 'happy' ending?
After everything that happens through out the movie they somehow give us a happy ending. What the hell is that all about? I understand the American (And by this I mean United Statesian) desire for closure but this was really ridiculous. This movie should have kept the tragic ending from the book or even made a new tragic ending because really they just don't deserve happiness at the end. Buildings fall, everyone dies.
3. Some shit just doesn't make sense.
During one scene Jack (Edward Norton) goes to work and he is clearly awake and not sleeping at all. He returns home from work to find out that Tyler (Brad Pitt) went and rescued Marla from her attempted suicide and had an all night sexfest with her. Either one or the other could not have happened but their are other people involved in both situations who are not crazy and would not be imagining Jack/Tyler.
Nobody ever tells Jack that he is Tyler until the ending reveal. How the hell does he manage to go all through Fight Club without ever catching on? Didn't he notice when the guys were all "Hey Tyler you want another beer?" Why the hell would the people that found him fighting himself not call the police and find him help? I know if I went into NYC and started hitting myself in a dark parking lot I'd be arrested in minutes. Why do people let an obviously crazy person lead them in a crazy rebellion against the status quo? Yes he had his followers but at least one of them should have had the sense to say "This guy is a total whack job."
4. This movie was meant by its creators to be a dark comedy.
The drama and the suspense were just a side thing for them. This movie is meant to be funny and only really jaded people with very dark sense of humor find dying/struggling to live people in support groups very funny. Yes, I find the movie hilarious, no I don't think a normal well adjusted person should feel that way. If the average person wasn't unhappy with life than this movie would not be nearly as popular. It was made to appeal to unhappy people. What kind of people choose that as a target market? I guess smart people...
5. The movie preaches a philosophy that is actually illegal to live by.
Almost everything he does in this movie is a crime. There are actually people out there who are stupid enough to try and recreate the things in this movie. Knowing that your target audience is the people your story is about, disgruntled, jaded, and bored, why would you give them ideas of things to do that will get them thrown in jail or killed? Okay Robert Paulson's death scene is an attempt to say "Don't try this at home" but how many times has that warning worked on the people who are stupid enough to do this stuff anyway?
Want to know why your favorite movie sucks? Let me know what it is and I'll see if I can tell you.
Coming Soon: Twilight, Harry Potter, The Matrix, The Notebook, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, and any other suggestions I get to.
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